I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
