that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
