I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
