i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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