never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize