yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Randomize