Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
