all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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