Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
