I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Randomize
