Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
