Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
My feet surprised me
Randomize
