I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Dear god my vagina.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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