I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
