hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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