i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
