you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Randomize
