I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
