Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Randomize