yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize