checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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