u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I think I am morally bankrupt
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
