Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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