I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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