I'm going to jail i love you
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Randomize
