please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
