i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
