is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
