if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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