ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
