While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
