he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
