Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
