so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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