it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
you inspire me to be a worse person
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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