Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
