U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
He kissed a someone with a penis
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
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