guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
