I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
