The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
