Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
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