We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize
