I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Randomize
