Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
