I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Randomize
