Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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