I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
