he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
My vagina is officially offended.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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