I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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