just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
