I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Randomize