I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
