i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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