I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
