The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
