Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
