Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
