I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
