I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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