I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Randomize
