i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
He shit in the fireplace
Randomize
