Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
