I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
