Ambien. No doubt about it.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
